What are the rules on dating personal trainers? Are you wondering “does my personal trainer have a crush on me?”, and are they paying you a little extra attention because they like you?
I worked as a trainer for years and I’ve seen how easily the lines can be blurred between client and trainer, so by the end of this article, you’ll know how you can tell if your trainer fancies the pants off you, or if they’re just doing their job.
Personal training sessions can easily become pretty intimate situations. Being close and sweaty with another person and telling them intimate details about your life might be something you’d associate more with a partner than with someone helping you to lose weight or tone up.
But it happens all the time, believe it or not, personal trainers get attracted to clients, and the lines can get blurred very easily. So how can you stop yourself from making a terrible mistake and assuming your PT is attracted to you when they might just be doing your job?
Let’s take a look.
Signs your personal trainer might be attracted to you
- You’re getting a lot of texts from your trainer
- They don’t want to stick to just training inside the gym
- They use “touch cues” more than they need to
- They ask to meet up for drinks
- They are talking to you a lot about your relationship status
- They buy you gifts
- Your trainer gives you a nickname
You’re getting a lot of texts from your trainer
Trainers text or message their clients, this is really common, they’ll text you to set up sessions, make sure you’re still attending, and offer help with diet or exercises questions outside of sessions. But, if your trainer starts to text you frequently, and they don’t seem to be interested in talking about fitness, it could be a sign that they are interested in more than what you had for dinner last night.
They don’t want to stick to just training inside the gym
A personal trainers’ free time is precious to them, seeing as they usually have so little of it, so if your trainer suddenly offers to train you outside of gym hours either by offering to train you in your home or in a park, it could be a sign that they want to see more of you.
If the trainer is clearly going out of their way to come and train you away from the gym, it shows that they clearly enjoy spending time with you and don’t mind the extra time and effort they need to take to come and see you.
They use “touch cues” more than they need to
“Touch cues” are when a trainer puts their hand on a part of your body to show you where you should feel an exercise working. They might press gently on your bicep when doing a bicep curl to see if you are squeezing the muscle hard enough for example.
The rules of touch cues are that you should only use them when you need to, using the back of the hand and obviously nowhere that could be considered “inappropriate”.
If you start seeing your trainer is using way more touch cues than they used to or more than are really necessary, it could be a sign that they are interested in getting closer to you, literally.
They ask to meet up for drinks
It’s not uncommon at all for a trainer to want to talk to you about your diet, they may even offer to come with you to the supermarket at your next food shop if you’re paying them enough, but not too many trainers would offer to go for drinks with their clients.
If your trainer asks if you’d like to go for a drink with them, you can bet it’s not to discuss your deadlift technique.
They are talking to you a lot about your relationship status
PTs talk to their clients as an everyday part of the job, and you would be amazed at what people talk about when they are desperate to avoid awkward silences, including discussing relationships.
They might usually ask if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner etc, this is a normal conversation for most people, and it may even help them with designing your training regime, so it might be important information to ask.
The difference is when your trainer starts asking you about your relationships in a lot more detail, like how long you’ve been single, what type of person you usually go for, etc. There’s probably a good reason why they are asking these types of questions, and it’s probably to see if they have a chance with you or not.
They buy you gifts
It’s always nice to get gifts, and there’s nothing usual about a trainer giving their clients gifts at Christmas or their birthdays and likewise, trainers receiving them.
The difference comes when you start getting gifts from your trainer on a regular basis, for seemingly no reason at all. This could be a serious sign that they are trying to get you to like them back by showering you with gifts. I’ve worked as a trainer for years and I only ever gave or received gifts near Christmas, any other time of the year, and I would have been immediately suspicious.
Your trainer gives you a nick-name
Cutesy names for your clients are a no-no if you want to stay even remotely professional, so it’s a damn good sign that if your trainer thinks up a cutesy nickname for you and calls you it regularly, they will see you as much more than a client of theirs.
This is unless, of course, the name used is some sort of in-joke that makes sense to you both, like “Sissy squat Sheila”, but if we’re looking at “sexy Susan” you can be sure the intent behind the name means a little more.
So does your personal trainer have a crush on you?
Now I know I mentioned all those points above about how to tell if your trainer fancies you etc, and I’ll be honest, I knew that in reality, everything I mentioned probably didn’t point to a trainer being attracted to you.
And here’s why.
Almost every single one of those points I mentioned could be one of two things, either a miscommunication or your trainer trying to keep their clients.
The harsh reality here is that you probably either thought your trainer was flirting with you when they were just being friendly, or it was a ploy by your trainer to keep you as their client.
Why would a trainer pretend to flirt?
Being a trainer is tough, seriously tough, there’s a ton of rent to pay and it’s a real dog-eat-dog occupation. If you aren’t quick to pick up new members as clients, another trainer will. That’s why it’s much easier to make sure you keep all the clients you have, rather than having to go out and find replacements for the guys who left you.
This is where a little bit of flirting can help cement a relationship for some trainers and makes it harder for the client to leave them. It’s pretty harsh, but it happens, and by no means do all trainers do this, but I’ve seen it happen plenty of times in my career.
In fact, there were some trainers I’ve worked with who I’m certain had a whole business plan based on flirting with clients.
Is it ok to flirt with your personal trainer?
As long as they aren’t clearly offended by you flirting with them, I’d say there’s nothing wrong with being a little flirtatious if you’re attracted to your personal trainer. It happens a lot, and as long as you keep it light-hearted, it shouldn’t cause too much of an issue and can be a bit of fun.
There are of course situations where you should absolutely not flirt with a trainer. If they have made it perfectly clear that they aren’t comfortable with you speaking or acting in that way around them or if it has any chance of getting them in trouble with the management, you should not continue to flirt.
Generally, your trainer should not be flirting back with you, and this is a big difference, it’s up to you if you decide you want to flirt with someone, but it’s up to them to decide if they want to do it back. If your trainer is truly professional, I wouldn’t expect too many love hearts emojis back in their messages.
Do personal trainers fall in love with their clients?
Of course, it happens all the time!
Being in close proximity to a person you are physically attracted to and have gained a deep rapport with is very likely to end up with either one or both parties becoming attracted to each other at some point.
It’s generally looked down upon from the trainer’s perspective, as it’s seen as unprofessional to mix business with pleasure. It’s not something that would usually get a trainer fired or anything that serious in nature, it’s just not seen as the right thing to do.
I do know of a trainer friend of mine who ended up marrying one of his clients, and they have been happily married for many years now, so not only can it happen, but sometimes it turns out really nice too. So if you’re wondering “can a personal trainer date a client?”, the answer is yes.
Can you ask out your personal trainer?
Yes, you can, plain and simple. There are no rules stating that you are not allowed to ask out your trainer.
However, if you are working with a trainer in a gym (especially in a larger chain), there may be rules against trainers dating clients. It can be seen as unprofessional and therefore some gym chains don’t want their trainers acting in this way, which is completely understandable in my view.
That’s from the trainer’s view though, and if you really do think that there might be something between you and your trainer and you’d like to see where it might lead, then feel free to ask, but try to do it in a subtle way that might not get the trainer into any issues with management.
The warning I’d give is to please read the points I’ve outlined above, as there’s a very good chance that you may be misreading the situation, or they may be flirting to keep you as a client. The last thing you want to do is feel bad after being rejected. It would also be certain death for your training sessions because continuing training together after rejection would be a seriously awkward situation for both of you.
If you’re really enjoying your training and you aren’t 100 percent certain about the situation you find yourself in, I would proceed with extreme caution. You don’t want to spoil a good thing if you’re enjoying your training and getting good results, keep things professional just in case.
Do personal trainers sleep with clients?
Now, this is a situation that has plagued the fitness industry for decades, the idea that personal trainers are nothing more than jiggalos with a certificate. It’s been hard to shake off this reputation and to be seen as legitimate exercise professionals.
With this in mind, most trainers do not sleep with their clients. It’s not only to stop the stereotypes, of course, it would also destroy a trainer’s business if they did.
It’s very rare that things don’t get awkward afterward, and the most likely outcome is that they will need to stop training with that PT and either find a new one or move gyms entirely.
If a trainer gathers an unfavorable reputation for this sort of thing, they might also need to leave the gym, or even be asked to by the management if they feel it’s necessary.
This of course mostly concerns trainers working in gyms, self-employed trainers can work to their own set of rules, but the same applies, if they were to get a poor reputation, their business would seriously suffer, and as I said, the fitness industry is tough enough as it is, it really isn’t worthwhile making work harder for yourself as a trainer.
So there you have it, I hope this article has answered the question “do personal trainers get attracted to their clients“.
I hope I haven’t disappointed you if you thought your trainer was interested, and as I said, it absolutely can happen, I’ve seen it happen, it’s just that it doesn’t happen that often, and in most cases, trainers should be professional enough to not allow it to happen.
That being said, life is short, if you fancy your trainer, flirt a little, enjoy yourself, if they aren’t interested, they’ll let you know just like any other time in life.
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